Much is written and talked about the relationship between parents and kids. And things are right there where they started. Many parents are not satisfied with their kids, criticize their acts and want to live their lives. In turn when babies grow up, children silently hate parents for intervention in their lives, for control and manipulations, for scandals and reproaches.
And such a situation is lasting for not one millennium and most probably, it has appeared along with the occurrence of mankind.
Certainly, few happy families exist, where respect and mutual understanding reigns between parents and kids. Also it would be desirable to believe that such families are more in number. But in this article, we would like to touch upon particularly disturbed families. The families that try to disturb the normal and free development of the person as an individual.
So, what type of mutual relationships exists in families?
* Parents are tyrants. Parents completely try to see that kids are under the parent’s commands. Parents monitor each step and each act of their children. Certainly, it is covered by conversations about love and care. But, love does not control and does not suppress. True love trusts and supports, demanding nothing in exchange. And how much the parents would try to convince themselves and close-aids that they wish only good things for their kids, parents pursue only one aim - complete control over the life of their child. What kind of developments would take place in such families? The child either runs away from the family to get an opportunity to lead his own life or completely obeys the parents and turns into a “vegetable”. Unfortunately, the first option is not ideal as in most cases the child has resentment towards his parents for his entire life and he will subconsciously build relationships in a future family which he observed in his childhood.
* Weak and spineless parents: Parents, who have not achieved anything in their lives and subsequently cannot give anything to their kids. Such parents are not authority for their kids. In such families, kid tyrants grow who completely control and manipulate their parents. More often, a socially inadaptable adult grows from such children. Though, exceptions exist.
* Friendly parents: Quite a good choice for family relations. If you have such parents, then consider yourself lucky. Such parents trust the kids and allow them to lead independent lives. Such parents often look younger than their age and are interested in the hobbies of young people. Such parents are good in that at least they do not disturb the development of their children, do not meddle in their private lives and leave enough space for freedom and development.
* Insensitive parents: Parents that are deprived and highly unfortunate people, who are unable and cannot love. For them, kids are no more than eternal problems. They never embrace, do not kiss and do not speak tender words to their children. Often, it is possible to hear from them: “Why did we give birth to you. You have spoilt all our life”. Children from such families have two future options. They also do not show any feelings in life and from this, not only they suffer but also their surroundings. Or the child strongly decides for himself that his life will be altogether a different one. Often kids from such families become very loving and tender parents in future.
* And, probably, the most optimum choice is parent-advisors. Such parents actually take good care of their kids. Parents just don’t put the kids in kindergarten, then in school and later-on in an institute. Parent- advisors are sincerely interested in children and talk with them, approve any choice of their kids, thus helping the children in taking the right decisions. Since childhood, such parents observe the interests of kids and help them at an early age to find their vocation. Such parents never ever tell the child: study or work here because in my youth I wanted to be like this and now you will realize my dreams. Such parents will never manipulate the children forcing them to do what parents consider necessary. Parent – advisors give a full choice for the development of the child, thus help the kids through suggestions and do anything so that the child finds his own course through life. Much to our regret, such parents are very small in number. For years we learn physics, mathematics, literature and other things, which are sometimes absolutely senseless, but no one teaches us how to be become such parents, who can bring-up happy and harmonious children.
It is not a secret that many people throughout their life continue to suffer in one way or the other due to the relationship with their parents. Someone refuses or avoids the discussion. Others constantly quarrel. And some choose the option of being restrained and obedient children, who emulates fine family relations and secretly hates their parents for their unsuccessfully unfolded life. If you really have a warm and sincere relationship with parents, then I congratulate you from the bottom of my heart. Though, the high probability exists that you simply would not realize the influence of parents on your independent choices and do not notice the hidden manipulation. Though, probably this is for the better. |
Psychologists recommend - the best way for parents to emotionally connect with their babies, is to pretend they are babies too. Coming back to their childhood vision of life, parents will share emotions free of life experience and prejudices. In other words, in moments of play and joy with their children, parents should simply turn into oversized babies.
