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| How much is written and talked about the relationship between parents & kids. And things are right there where they started. Many parents are not satisfied with their kids, criticize their acts & want to live their lives. In turn when babies grow up, children silently hate parents for intervention in their lives, for control & manipulations, for scandals & reproaches.
And such situation is lasting for not one millennium & most probably, it has appeared along with the occurrence of mankind.
Certainly, few happy families exist, where respect & mutual understanding reigns between parents and kids. Also it would be desirable to believe that such families are more in number. But in this article, we would like to touch upon particularly disturbed families. Families try to disturb normal & free development of person as an individual.
So, what type of mutual relationships exists in families:
* Parents are tyrants. Parents completely try to see that kids are under the parent’s commands. Parents monitor each step & each act of their children. Certainly, it is covered by conversations about love & care. But, love does not control & does not suppress. True love trusts & supports, demanding nothing in exchange. And how much the parents would try to convince themselves & close-aids that they wish only good things for their kids, parents pursue only one aim - complete control over the life of their child. What kind of developments would take place in such families? Child either runs away from family to get an opportunity to lead his own life or completely obeys the parents & turns into “vegetable”. Unfortunately, first option is not ideal as in most cases the child has resentment towards parents for his entire life & he will subconsciously builds relationships in future family, which he observed in his childhood.
* Weak & spineless parents: Parents, who have not achieved anything in their lives & subsequently cannot give anything to their kids. Such parents are not authority for their parents. In such families, kids tyrants grow, who completely control & manipulate their parents. More often, socially inadaptable adult grows from such children. Though, exceptions exist.
* Friendly parents: Quite good choice for family relations. If you have such parents, then consider yourself lucky. Such parents trust the kids & allow them to lead independent life. Such parents often look younger than age & are interested in hobbies of young people. Such parents are good that at least they do not disturb the development of their children, do not meddle in their private lives & leave enough space for freedom & development.
* Insensitive parents: Parents are deprived & highly unfortunate people, who are unable & cannot love. For them, kids are no more than eternal problems. They never embrace, do not kiss & do not speak tender words to their children. Often, it is possible to hear from them: “What for we have given birth to you. You have spoilt all our life”. Children from such families have 2 future options. They also do not show any feelings in life & from this, not only they suffer but also surroundings. Or the child strongly decides for himself that his life will be altogether a different one. Often kids from such families become very loving & tender parents in future.
* And, probably, the most optimum choice is parents-advisors. Such parents actually take good care of their kids. Parents just don’t put the kids in kindergarten, then in school & later-on in institute. And then, the parents, in perplexity, make sighs with hands why they don’t have mutual understanding with the kids. Parents- advisors are sincerely interested in children & talk with them, approve any choice of their kids, thus helping the children in taking right decisions. Since childhood, such parents observe the interests of kids & help them already at an early age to find the vocation. Such parents never ever tell the child: study or work here because in youth I wanted to be like this & now you will realize my dreams. Such parents will never manipulate the children forcing them to do what parents consider necessary. Parents – advisors give full choice for development of the child, thus help the kids through suggestions & do anything so that the child found his own course of life. Much to our regret, such parents are very less in numbers. May be for years we learn physics, mathematics, literature & other things, which are sometimes absolutely senseless, but no one & never teaches us how to be become such parents, who can bring-up actually happy & harmonious children.
It is not a secret that many people throughout the life continue to suffer in one way or the other due to relationship with parents. Someone refuses or avoids the discussion. Others constantly quarrel, scandalous & sort out the relationship between them. And some choose the option of restrained & obedient child, who emulates fine family relations & secretly hates parents for unsuccessfully unfolded life. If you really have warm & sincere relationship with parents, then I congratulate you from the bottom of my heart. Though, high probability exists that you simply would not realize influence of parents on your independent choice & do not notice the hidden manipulation. Though, probably this is for the better. |
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Psychologists recommend - the best way for parents to emotionally connect with their babies, is to pretend they are babies too. Coming back to their childhood vision of life, parents will share emotions free of life experience and prejudices. In other words, in moments of play and joy with their children, parents should simply turn into oversized babies.
