| 6 mistakes while bringing-up children which every parent would have committed at some time or another:
All parents bring-up children to the extent of their abilities and understanding of life and seldom think why we act this way in specific conditions instead of acting differently. However, moments occur in every mother’s life when the behavior of a loved child baffles her. Maybe adults, applying radical methods of bringing them up do something which later on occurs to be shameful. You are not the only one’s to have committed mistakes; all parents make mistakes from time to time. But it is always better to learn from other’s mistakes, isn't that so?
Mistake No.1: Promise not to love them any more;
“If you do not want to be, what I want, I will not love you any more”
Parent’s opinion:
Why children so often argue at each and every request of ours? Perhaps, they do to it to spite us? Call for common sense? Yes they simply do not hear what adults tell them. Threaten them? It does not work any more. In such cases, many use an original trump card: “From now on, mummy will not love you any more”. Frequently many of us use this phrase.
The opinion of psychologists:
Promise not to love your kid any more is one of the strongest means of bringing-up children. However, this threat, as a rule, is not fulfilled. And the children know it's false. Once having deceived, you can lose the trust of your child for a long time - the kid will perceive you to be false people.
It is much better to say: “I will love you all the same but I do not approve of your behavior”.
Mistake No.2 – Indifference
“Do what ever you want, doesn’t make any difference to me”
Parent’s opinion:
Why stress? Argue, search for arguments, to prove something to a kid? The child should learn to solve the problems on his own. And in general, it is necessary to prepare the child for an adult life and let him become independent at the earliest possible stage and leave us alone.
The opinion of psychologists:
Sometimes it is necessary to show the kid that it’s immaterial for you what he does. The child, sensing your indifferent attitude, immediately starts to check how “real” the indifferent attitude is”. And, most likely, checks conclude in making bad deeds initially. The child waits to see whether he is criticized or not for his acts. In short, it is a closed circle. Therefore, instead of showing indifference, it is better to make a friendly relationship with the child even if his behavior does not suit you.
It is possible to say, for example: “You know, I absolutely disagree with you on this issue. But I would like to help you because I love you. When ever you need, you can approach me at any point of time for advice on this issue”.
Mistake No.3 – Being too strict
“You have to do whatever I say, because I am the head in the house”
Parent’s opinion:
Children should implicitly obey the elders - the most important principle while upbringing children. Discussions have no place. It is irrespective whether the child is 6 or 16 years old. Children should not be pampered otherwise they will definitively sit on your neck.
The opinion of psychologists:
It is necessary to make children understand why and what they are doing. Too much strictness while upbringing children based on principles, which are not always clear to the child, isn't good. The child can implicitly execute everything when you are nearby and “shrug-off” all the interdictions when you are not available. Faith (conviction) is better than severity. In case of necessity add “Right now, you are going to do as I say and in the evening, we can sit together and discuss – why and what for”.
Mistake No.4 – Pamper children
“Perhaps, I will do it myself. My child is not grown enough to do it”
Parent’s opinion:
We are ready to do everything for our child, after all, children should always have the best. Childhood is such a short period in life and hence, it should be beautiful. Morals, failures and dissatisfaction are in our hands to protect the children from all sorts of difficulties and troubles. It is accepted to guess and fulfill every desire of the child.
The opinion of psychologists:
Spoilt children have to face a lot of hardships in life. It is not good to hold the child under the umbrella of parental love, which may lead to many problems in future. Believe it or not, when parents literally clear each pebble out of the children’s path, the child may not feel lucky for this. More likely, on the contrary, he feels absolutely helpless and lonely. “Try to do it on your own, if you cannot, then I shall help you” - is one of the variants of a wise relationship towards daughter or son.
Mistake No.5 – The obsessive role
“My child is my best friend”
Parent’s opinion:
The child in the most important person in our life, he is so clever and it is possible to talk to him about anything. He understands us as a real adult.
The opinion of psychologists:
Children are ready to do anything to be liked by the parents; after all, daddy and mummy are the most important people in the entire world for them. Children are even ready to plunge into the difficult world of adult problems instead of discussing their interests with contemporaries. But, their own problems remain unresolved.
Mistake No.6 – Monetary
“More money – better upbringing”
Parent’s opinion:
We have too many monetary constraints, therefore, we are not in a position to pamper the child and constantly reject all the things he/she asks for and the child has to be satisfied with old things etc. In short, had we more money we would have been better parents.
The opinion of psychologists:
Love cannot be bought for money – sounds rather banal, but it is so. Often, elders do everything for the sake of the child in families, which are comfortably placed. But you should not be conscience-stricken for not fulfilling the wishes of the child. Actually, love, a caress, joint games and leisure-time spent together with your kids are much more important than the weight of your wallet. And, if studied thoroughly, money does not make the child happy but the realization that he for you is VERY IMPORTANT.
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